The Pondering Peacock: From Sacramento to Saudade

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Reviving the dream. Reclaiming the journey. A five-year flight to Portugal.

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Welcome back—or welcome for the first time.

If the name The Pondering Peacock sounds familiar, it’s because she has been part of me for a long time. But for many years, her feathers were folded. I was in a season of deep survival, navigating the aftermath of emotional abuse and the long, difficult road of recovery.

Today, that fight has a new legacy: In April, I will celebrate 12 years of sobriety. For a long time, the Pondering Peacock sat on the shelf while I fulfilled the heavy family obligations of caregiving and managed chronic health issues. I did what had to be done. I survived. But the Peacock was never gone—she was just waiting for the right light.

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The Revival Begins Now

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The year 2026 is the start of her greatest evolution. I am dusting off this persona, not just to pick up where I left off, but to improve her. I am taking the wisdom of a 12-year survivor and the grit of a caregiver and turning that energy toward a singular, beautiful goal: A five-year journey to live in Portugal.

In Portugal, they speak of Saudade—a deep, soulful longing for a home your heart recognizes. After years of living for others, I am finally following my own Saudade.

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The Five-Year Roadmap

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This blog is the official companion to my journey from the familiar streets of Sacramento to the shores of the Atlantic. Over the next five years, I’ll be sharing the raw and real process of:

• The Physical Restoration: Improving my health and fitness to prepare for a vibrant life abroad.

• The Creative Awakening: Returning to my website and my writing with a stronger, more honest voice.

• The Sobriety & Healing: Continuing to heal the roots of trauma and celebrating the clarity of 12+ years sober.

• The Portugal Plan: The slow, intentional logistics of retiring abroad and building a life of peace.